I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
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