You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
