If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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