I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
