It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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