you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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