from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
