nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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