I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
