y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i out mim tonsoeep
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