If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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