on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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