You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
