hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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