every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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