remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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