Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
