So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
