He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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