Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
