But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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