shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
