awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
