im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize