Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
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