I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
