Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
