If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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