You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
