I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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