Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
