Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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