Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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