There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
