Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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