Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
