hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
