The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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