As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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