Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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