that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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