Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
