got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
