toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think I died a long time ago.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
