My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
