Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
