i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
