Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize