Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
