How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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