i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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