You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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