If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm like, not good at living.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
