Your dad touched me again.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
