i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
