I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
