From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
