just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
