So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize