Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i barfeds in our rink
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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