My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
