it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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