your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
