you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
