When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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