This is not my ceiling
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
