Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i think my cat just said my name.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
