god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
