At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
