she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
