I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
