he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
