You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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