It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
