apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
COCAINE IS GR8
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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