You don't have asthma, your pregnant
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
