Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
