she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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