yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
