remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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