you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
we made out on top of his cat.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
