Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
