You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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