Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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