With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Did I show you my penis last night?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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