i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
