She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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