well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
