i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
