you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
