Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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