I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
