butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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