ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
