Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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