My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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