Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
