I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize