whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
