she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
