Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
