I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
