I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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