He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize