dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
