Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
