her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
